||[Dec. 6th, 2006|09:57 am]
I got some excellent advice from some friends about a week ago. We had a lovely evening and talked and it was just like I was an adult and had friends!! It was all adult-ish and we had wine and food and everything.
So their advice, regarding hubby, was to play to his need. At first I thought this sounded sneaky and immoral but I think they had some really good points. He-being a human being afterall- needs to feel like he is needed, feel as though he is taking care of someone. The insinuation was that perhaps he feels unfulfilled or incomepetant because I am not? Not that it is a direct fault of mine, but certainly gives a whole new perspective on how I handle things.
So I have been trying very hard not to directly influence him by outright telling him what he needs to do, which is my natural instinct being a very impatient and direct person. DO this. Dont do this. You need to do this.
I suppose that I could be more compassionate and caring but on the other hand, and in my own defense, it has been a very hard road these past 2 years and I have just taken on the leader role and got the job done. HUuby says I am like a man; hear a problem, offer solutions to fix it. Apparently I need to more womanly; hear a problem, sympathize, comfort, empathize, listen, offer shoulder for crying, allow them to talk until they find the solution themselves, blush in the face of glaring compliments on my ability to solve problems.
Sounds like a lot more work and much more time consuming than my way, doesnt it?
but apparently there is some benefit to it...*sigh*
like you know...not emasculating your husband and sending him swirling into the depths of despair and depression with feelings of inadequacy and incompetence.
well I tried.
I suck at it
Today, he is crying and in a complete state of doom and gloom and can barely function. Automatic 'fixit' mode kicks in and I give him a list of things to do because I know that once he does them, he will feel a sense of accompishment that will give him the energy he needs to move on to the next part of his day. We are looking at not even one DAY at a time, just one hour at a time sometimes. So then he slips into chastised child mode, and just accepts everything I say to him with "ok", hearing the sound of defeat and self-accepted failure in his voice.
How, with always the best of intentions, do I continually manage to screw things up!?!?!